hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
