Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize