I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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