guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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