Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
