Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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