I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
