i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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