last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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