so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
