i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
