no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
