Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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