He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
