Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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