..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
