Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
