it hurts more in the daytime
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
