the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
