thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
