Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
