Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
