the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize