At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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