your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
