i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
