Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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