Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
