i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
