the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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