She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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