So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
