I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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