that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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