At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
