dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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