Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
