You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
