So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
