i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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