Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
