yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
