Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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