Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
