ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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