You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
