dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my being single is dangerous.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
