is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
