My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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