So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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