So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
