Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
