I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
