I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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