Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
