Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
