Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
