She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
