I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
