i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
