Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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