Michael Bay diarrhea
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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