you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize